Friday, April 29, 2011

Things I learned from The Shining

Things I've learned from The Shining

The other day I was in such a bad mood that the violence of a horror movie seemed like the perfect balm to soothe my angry soul. I popped in Stanley Kubrick's vision of Stephen King's The Shining.
I learned a few things from this movie, and thought it prudent to share with you all. They are as follows, in no particular order. SPOILER ALERT If you haven't seen this movie, there be spoilers here.

      1. Never drive a VW Bug in Colorado in the dead of winter.
      2. Kids are creepy.
      3. EVERYTHING is built on an Indian burial ground.
      4. Never take the creepy kid on a tour of the kitchen, then leave him alone to eat ice cream with the creepier cook.
      5. The 1970's were just as bad a decade for interior design as it was for clothing.
      6. If your creepy kid has imaginary friends in his mouth, it's time for medication. For everybody.
      7. Riding a tricycle on a hardwood floor would get your ass killed in my house.
      8. There's ALWAYS something bad in Room 237.
      9. Daddy drinks because Mama's a bat short of a full cave.
      10. Its not a horror movie without bleeding walls and naked chicks in a tub.
      11. If said naked chick climbs out of the aforementioned tub to make out with you, yes, it IS too good to be true.
      12. Ghostly residue smells like burned toast. Possibly tastes like chicken.
      13. Is Jack Nicholson really acting? Or is he bat-shit crazy in real life, too?
      14. Only the really lucky alcoholics get to stay in abandoned hotels with ghost bartenders who don't charge for cocktails.
      15. “I didn't mean it; I was drunk” is a complete BS line, in movies and in real life.
      16. Never take marital/parenting advice from a dead British butler.
      17. All work and no play makes Jack a freakin' psychopath
      18. We'll have to explain to the next generation what a freakin' typewriter is.
      19. Frozen, Jack Nicholson looks a lot like Peter Boyle in Young Frankenstein.
      20. You just can't find good help these days. Er..those days.

So, now that I've completely ruined this classic for you, feel free to leave a comment and tell me what you've learned from movies.


Jodi Henry said...

Testing. 1. 2. Testing.

Moose said...

I learned that Oz is over the rainbow, and Midian is where the monsters live.