Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Imaginary Penguin Pills

A Memo from the desk of Shadowpup:
I’m tired of the human taking over my posts. I’m a dog with limited time left and a LOT to say about my almost 15 years of doghood. So I’m just going to start posting stuff to her blog and see how long it takes her to figure it out. Hehehe… I’m such a smart dog!
I suspect the human has been spiking my food with drugs. Now, I know I’m on medicine to help me breathe, and whatever it is that’s in the needle she pokes me with twice a day. But the past week or so, I can’t help but feel like there’s drugs in my food.
And I like ‘em. Kids, never take drugs. They’re bad for you. But I’m a dog with a prescription, apparently. I confronted the human about this after my walk this morning.

Me: HUMAN! What was in that handful of treats you gave me this morning?
Mom: Your meds. You have a few new ones since we saw the doctor a week and a half ago. We’ve talked about this.
Me: Yeah, I know, but what’s IN the meds? Something’s weird.
Mom: You have tramadol now.
Me: WAIT A MINUTE…. Isn’t that the stuff you gave Bella when she hurt her back?
Mom: Wow, I’m surprised you remember that, but yes.
Me: I FORGET NOTHING. I KNOW ALL. I AM SHADOWPUP! But seriously, she was seeing purple penguins lurking in the corner when she was on that stuff. Imaginary penguins. You’re giving me imaginary penguin pills?!
Mom: Yes, Shadow. Your doctor says they will help with your pain from the arthritis. Does your back hurt less?
Me: Yeah, kinda.
Mom: You’ve been taking more walks now. Is that because you feel better?
Me: Well, no, I have reports to file, things to investigate, people to sniff, and I have to poop in the park. But I have been able to do all that a little more comfortably.
Mom: That’s a good thing. Your dad and I just want you to feel better and be happy.
Me: I’d feel happier if I had steak for dinner.

And here I sit, knowing she’s not going to give me steak for dinner. Could be worse. I could be forced to eat kibble like Captain and Bella. Haha! Suckers!
But anyway, I solved the mystery. Mom really did get me some medicine to help me feel better. I’m not feeling as spry as I did in my Dog Ball days. But it’s a definite improvement.
Uh-oh! I hear Mom coming. She’ll ground me for sure if she finds me on her laptop. Stay tuned for my next post!

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