Thursday, September 29, 2011

31 Days of Halloween

October is almost here!! It's my favorite month of the year. Sometime this month, I'll do a brief Samhain 101 for the Halloween enthusiast who aren't sure what this holiday is all about. Hint: more than just costume parties and candy.
Speaking of Halloween, this is the time of year to indulge in our favorite spooky pastimes. Check out a haunted corn maze, watch Ghost Hunters marathons, read scary books or rent scary movies.
Since most scary flicks are written about haunted people/houses, I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever asked: Now why the hell did that fool move into a haunted house? Didn't he know it was haunted? Well, maybe they didn't know, because they didn't have....(drum roll please)

INKY'S TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE MOVING INTO A HAUNTED HOUSE

10.  It's a huge palace, and yet your broke ass can afford it, including the extensive renovations it will need.
9.  The developer "forgot" to tell you about the cemetery he bulldozed to put in your attached garage.
8.  Your "dream house" was ever shown on the news in any story related to dead people.
7.  You get a creepy feeling in certain rooms, and sometimes feel "watched" even when you're alone.
6.  Your "dream house" used to be a mortuary or an asylum. (And hey, nobody hides that fact, so WTH is wrong with you for putting a deposit and/or down payment on a freakin' mortuary or asylum?!)
5.  You hear things that aren't really there, like heavy footsteps walking toward you and no one is there.
4.  The walls are bleeding.
3.  The dog(s) are having a growling contest with the walls... and the walls are winning.
2.  High turnover in the house. Nobody manages to live there more than a few months. Sometimes less. And make sure the previous owner didn't die in the living room.
1. You or some other complete freakin' moron used a OUIJA BOARD in your home. (If you or any other complete freakin' moron has used one and your house ISN'T haunted, trust me. You and it soon will be. Make friends with a priest(ess) now.)

OK, now that you're scared out of your mind (Mom) go watch a comedy and sleep with the lights on until our next post.

No comments: